Spring Awakening

On this Easter Sunday, I am contemplating rebirth and renewal. For most of my life, I have tried to simply forget and move on, without actually letting go. But I have slowly learned that part of letting go is embracing, honoring and holding onto the memory’s wisdom.

I will always be removing layers; the death of an identity is like the shedding of armor, which exposes the vulnerable spaces and opens the heart in ways I couldn’t have imagined without the loss. This process of losing an identity is always excruciatingly painful, but eventually leads to more peace, clarity and magic than I knew was possible. It is clear to me then, that there is an emotional and spiritual rebirth that takes place when we consciously let go. This rebirth is essentially becoming who we are meant to be; this is the uncovering of our essence.

Any transition means the loss of one thing in order to move into what is next. That loss must be grieved, felt and experienced in order to let go of it and be fully heart-open to embrace what’s next. Moving through the waves of change develops a faith and trust that everything will be okay, that the Universe will support and guide us. And yet when we are at our lowest of lows, trusting can be the hardest thing we will do. We want to feel better now. We search for a quick fix to feel better. We crave some way to not feel the gnawing fear. We resist losing control.

But my experience has been that losing control is exactly what I needed to do — to allow myself to be enveloped in uncertainty, to melt down into nothingness for a new version of me to emerge. If I fight and resist the pain of the loss, then I will get stuck there and I won’t allow the light of my soul to write the story of my destiny. If I keep holding on to what my ego fears that it won’t be or have anymore, I will be holding back the magic that is trying to be birthed. If I allow my heart to open, I can fall in love with myself and the limitless possibilities in front of me. By letting go, I am allowing myself to be launched into a new experience of life with opportunities I could never have imagined. Opportunities that I wouldn’t have seen because my eyes weren’t focused. Because letting go is putting all of your eggs in one basket; it’s the greatest risk for the greatest reward.

Today, my heart is over-flowing with gratitude. As I mourn the losses and celebrate rebirth, I acknowledge who I am today. I am who I am because of those previous versions of myself, masks and all. I have not lost them; they remain within me as the many facets of my love.

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